nickel Grabber
Nickel Grabber, where we pay homage to the game of forty-fives and the card players that make a mockery of it.
You know them. You hate them. You are probably related to them . The worst of the worst. Are we talking about Stalin, Hitler, Pol Pot? You’ve never seen true evil until you play cards with the miscreants listed below. If you meet them, run away. First make sure you have your wallet, then run away.
Johnny Vegas
Third man of the crew "TGAG",( Three Guineas and a Greek). Rumored to be the only blood member of ALL five families, Johnny Vegas never misses a chance to wet his beak on last throw. Did you bid 15 with the five and ace of hearts? Want to know who has the jack and a trump kicker? Look no further than that criminal across the table with the peaky blinders hat. A fugitive from law, he was cornered while terrorizing Japanese tourists at Epcot using nothing but a bad Godzilla imitation. Was last seen swimming naked across the lagoon yelling, "oh you'll wear the purity ring".
PDAG
A master of dealing "South Lawrence" style. If you ever play cards with the PDAG cartel, you will see so many hand signals that you won't know whether give the heimlich maneuver or steal third base. Fluent in seven dialects of Kibitzing, he will often tell a tale of woe to his partner about poor aunt Flo who died at Jack's Club, owned a lot of diamonds, but had no heart. Years of bad card playing have caused PDAG to develop strange, supernatural powers over tools and electronic devices. It is believed that the space shuttle Columbia crash was caused when it flew too close to his house in 2003.
Scanman
This is the last known photo of the Don taken at Vito Corleones wedding. Famous for always having a new pinkie ring, sometimes with someone's pinkie still in it. Founding guinea of TGAG, he is always happiest when he scores 120 points. Problem is that 120 is the cumulative score of his last three games. The ultimate nickel grabber, he has never scored more than five points in a hand. Often heard saying "these five cards are so bad I have one of each suite". He once split a dinner bill with a friend. He got dinner, his friend paid $86 for a diet coke. Hobbies include collecting one of every tool invented by man, perfecting his lefty snap hook, and taking care of the tropical birds that now live withing the "Gin-Zone" around his house.
Ted & Melda
The Bonnie and Clyde of Forty-Fives, they once did not speak to each other for three years because one of them did not keep a king kicker. While playing partners with the guys at work, Ted once uttered the iconic line "I thought we were playing third man high but apparently we are playing third man stupid". Although well to do, they enjoyed nothing more than taking 65 cents from suckers in a nickel up or down game.
Robert
Only known photo. A novice to the game, he often bids "on the shiny red ones with the points". Then someone says "lets play for money". His lip trembles, pulse stops, and his eyebrows go vertical as he pulls out a roll of twenties the size of a wagon wheel, shuffling and dealing with one hand and passing out mixed drinks with the other. My dad once said that if you play cards with a Lebanese horse trader, "either you come home with a gelding or you are the gelding". I once saw him swallow a bowl of change rather than play cards for anything less than a buck.
Alex
Only known photo. McKinnon's highland roots are from the isles of Scotland where forty-fives is considered a life skill. Preparatory classes are required for children starting at age 5, don't follow trump and they hack off a pinkie. This explains why many of the clans youth have difficulty counting past eight. Apparently "four to five fingers" was abbreviated and hence the card game name, "for-ty-fives". It is rumored that above his bed are pictures of his lovely future bride and of a perfect 45 hand he was dealt back in 2009. His observation: "ay laddie, that was one good hand". Better suited for cut-throat than partners, he has been known to slap a trump jack down on his partners ace of hearts yelling "five points for me, how do you like me now?".
Humungus
Talented. Handsome. Saintly. Humble. A true renaissance man for every generation, he is equally at home spreading manure in his garden, brokering world peace treaties, or posing nude at the Louvre. It has been chronicled that a sommelier once entered a room after he had passed wind stating "rich, lush, and intense with the faintest layer of vanilla and a flutter of KFC." After spending time helping the unclean of New Dehli, he taught Mother Teresa how to "strike a pose", use the overhand shuffle in forty-fives and shoot PBR. Please tell Diane Lane to stop calling, He's busy.
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Rachel
Don't let that baby face fool you. She is personally responsible for the elimination of all "00" agents of the British Secret Service. Her weapon of choice? A gun? Machete? Explosives? No, a lacrosse stick where the ball sits well below the legal cradle limit. Currently working as a capo for the Genovese Family, she is the enforcer sent out to collect late dues in 45 card leagues. Her most recent project? Genetic cloning. Beware, we know not what the future brings.